Why being heard matters
Have you ever been to the coast in West Norfolk on a windy day? If so, you’ll recognise the feeling of speaking and your voice being carried away on the wind. You end up shouting in order to try and make yourself heard, but it feels impossible as the sound just disappears into the wide skies and dunes. Trying to communicate with people in our family, friendship group or at work can sometimes feel like this. You’re speaking, but it’s like nobody can really hear what you’re saying. It can feel exhausting, hopeless and emotionally draining.
Why it matters
Being heard matters and more than that, it’s that feeling of knowing that someone hears you and gets it. Suddenly you’re not alone with whatever it is you’re carrying or wondering about. Talking with a therapist who’s trained to hold the space, listen and allows you to feel heard, can offer relief (I’m not alone with this) and validation of how you’re feeling (someone hears me and gets it).
Feeling isolated
Being an adult can feel incredibly isolating at times. We can have people around us and still feel we’re dealing with something on our own. We might have supportive family, but not want to worry them. What’s bothering us might be related to relationships in our life which means it’s difficult to share with friends. Feeling stressed or overwhelmed at work can feel impossible to share, despite the increased openness in society to talk about these feelings, admitting we’re not feeling ok can make us feel vulnerable. For a whole variety of reasons, being an adult can mean we feel we have no where to turn and a lack of space to unload and explore what’s actually going on.
The sheer busyness of life can also take over to the point where we feel trapped in the routine of working and living suddenly feels more like existing. Feeling ‘Who am I outside of work?’, ‘How did I even get here?’ or ‘This isn’t the life I planned’ are not uncommon things to think, but can feel extremely unsettling. Growing up with the traditional British value of just ‘getting on with it’ can also stop people from seeking help until they feel overwhelmed.
How therapy helps
As a therapist, I’m here to listen and let you know ‘I hear you’. This can be beneficial in 3 ways.
Your mind is a bit quieter. Keeping everything held in leads to masking how you’re feeling from others. That’s completely exhausting after a while. It’s what ends up making you feel alone with it all. Talking about things out loud enables you to free up some of that mental space. Suddenly it’s not quite so loud in your head. It also helps you ‘observe’ your thoughts, see them perhaps from another perspective.
You feel heard. You might feel like you’re the only person in the world who’s ever felt this way. Sharing with a therapist will confirm to you that you’re not losing it, and your responses are probably very human and understandable, given the right space to view them. Understanding your thoughts/feelings can lead to finding more self-compassion and kindness when we might be used to beating ourself up. ‘I’m just overeacting’ can become ‘This is really hard for me because…’. This can lead to feeling less tension in your body, some relief that someone else hears your voice.
You are accepted as you are. This is important. We are all a work in progress. Sometimes we feel that the thing we really want to say is so terrible that no-one could possibly hear it and stick around. As a therapist, I’m ready to sit with you in whatever you’re feeling. I won’t try to cheer you up, diminish what you’re feeling, offer you some more advice (this can all sound appealing, but it doesn’t change anything). But I will listen deeply to your experience, hold those uncomfortable feelings alongside you, let you know I’m hearing you and I’ll stay. And we’ll sit as long as we need to before something shifts, because when we squash our feelings down, they persist. Once we acknowledge them, give them the attention they need, explore what they’re telling us - then we free them up.
Space to be heard
In-person in West Norfolk. My therapy space is in Dersingham, near King’s Lynn. It’s light, modern and comfortable with plenty of free street parking outside. If you live locally and want to talk in a welcoming space, away from the distractions of life, this could be ideal for you. For some people, being physically together in the same space adds to the feeling of connection and being present.
Online across the UK. If you are not local, you have mobility issues, or fitting therapy into your schedule feels difficult, then maybe online sessions might suit you. This means you can feel the same benefit of being heard from your own home/confidential space.
Space for you
Your story, your feelings and thoughts - whatever has brought you here to be reading this - you deserve to be heard and feel heard. It really can make a difference. I know because I’ve experienced it for myself. You matter, being heard matters. If you think therapy might be the space you need, then get in touch through the contact me page and let’s arrange a chat.